Saturday, April 25, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Work in progress
Things I'm working on:
• Being less condescending
• Being less accusatiry
• Learning to spell without a spell checker
• Reading a whole book
• Actually listening to lyrics and analyzing their meaning
As standard with self-improvement lists, the list itself is a work in progress.
• Being less condescending
• Being less accusatiry
• Learning to spell without a spell checker
• Reading a whole book
• Actually listening to lyrics and analyzing their meaning
As standard with self-improvement lists, the list itself is a work in progress.
Friday, April 3, 2009
floating down the river
I'm floating down a river
Oars freed from their holds long ago
Lying face up on the floor of my vessel
I marvel at the stars
And feel my heart overflow
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Two weeks without my lover
I'm in this boat alone
Floating down a river named emotion
Will I make it back to shore
Or drift into the unknown
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
I'm building an antenna
Transmissions will be sent when I am through
Maybe we could meet again further down the river
And share what we both discovered...
Then revel in the view
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
I'm floating down a river
I'm floating down a river
I'm floating down a river
I'm floating down a river
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
what the bird knows
I'm watching this bird, outside this window. He's found shelter from the out-of-season weather in a naked shrub. The snow seems to bother him more than the wind. Seemingly content in his inadequate shelter, his chest is puffed out to keep himself warm. He makes no noise, no joyous chirping, instead he is meditating on the weather. Darting his head around, watching the snow and the people fly by him.
And why so lonely, so many people flutter around him now.
But he's alone, and I can tell that this distresses him slightly. He doesn't leave his post, as if he's waiting there for someone. His eyes, searching past the snow and the city, can't quite find peace.
And why so lonely, so many people flutter around him now.
But he's alone, and I can tell that this distresses him slightly. He doesn't leave his post, as if he's waiting there for someone. His eyes, searching past the snow and the city, can't quite find peace.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Empire of the Sun - Walking on a Dream
You'll probably remember this one:
How can I explain
Talking to myself
Will I see again
We are always running for the thrill of it thrill of it
Always pushing up the hill searching for the thrill of it
On and on and on we are calling out and out again
Never looking down I’m just in awe of what’s in front of me
Is it real now
When two people become one
I can feel it
When two people become one
Thought I’d never see
The love you found in me
Now it’s changing all the time
Living in a rhythm where the minutes working overtime
Catch me I’m falling down
Catch me I’m falling down
Don’t stop just keep going on
I’m your shoulder lean upon
So come on deliver from inside
All we got is tonight that is right till first light
Thursday, March 26, 2009
The purpose of a wave
I've been saving this for a time when I can sit down and write something substantial. Well, it's been 4 days, and that time hasn't found its way to me yet, and I have the feeling it's not going to any time soon.
What is the purpose? The purpose of anything. That seems to be an important question.
This comes from a couple venues. First, a lecture on metaphors, both in life and in design. Metaphors have allowed humans to communicate abstract ideas by relating them to physical and tangible things. Metaphors have created a laymans way of discussing complications in the world. Metaphors have this purpose.
Second, To The Lighthouse by Virgina Woolf. It seems the purpose of this book is to discuss the purpose of our lives. Our trivial lives.
As a forewarning, I may abstract a lot of what I intend to say or actually mean to save face, and to allow this to relate to a more broad audience. But if you are intended to understand the specifics, you will. And please read in to everything I say, for this has been crafted carefully.
A metaphor: Life is like a wave.
What is the purpose?
It seems that the purpose is for people to come together. Couples, family, friends. And by applying the wave metaphor to this purpose, my life has become just a little bit clearer.
A wave comes and goes. It comes together to form a crest, then sinks back down into the ocean. It is never, and can never, be a constant wave. It must repeat this process, even in the desolate and remote areas of the ocean, it repeats this action, forms a crest, then disappears back into the abyss.
People, like these waves, cannot be together constantly. There is no way for humans to physically be together at all times. Thus the purpose begins. We must come together, but we must also become apart.
To read further into this: To even know what together is, to even experience this feeling, you must also experience apart.
So we are all like a wave. We come together, then fall apart. Until the next crest, when we are together again. Lovers must be apart to know they are in love. Family must be apart to appreciate one another. You must be apart to be missed.
Quickly, furthering the metaphor, I want to attempt to make tangible the abstract notion of gravity. Because like waves, we are all affected by gravity. Honestly, it seems to be the largest driving force in our existence. It seems to be what makes us get up in the morning, what pushes us through the day, what ages us, and eventually takes us to our resting place. It affects certain people in different ways. It affects me specifically in very abstract ways, pulling me towards people, pushing me from others. But overall, gravity is what drives me.
Imagine the power in each wave. And remember that power the next time you are together. Realize the power created when you are together.
What is the purpose? The purpose of anything. That seems to be an important question.
This comes from a couple venues. First, a lecture on metaphors, both in life and in design. Metaphors have allowed humans to communicate abstract ideas by relating them to physical and tangible things. Metaphors have created a laymans way of discussing complications in the world. Metaphors have this purpose.
Second, To The Lighthouse by Virgina Woolf. It seems the purpose of this book is to discuss the purpose of our lives. Our trivial lives.
As a forewarning, I may abstract a lot of what I intend to say or actually mean to save face, and to allow this to relate to a more broad audience. But if you are intended to understand the specifics, you will. And please read in to everything I say, for this has been crafted carefully.
A metaphor: Life is like a wave.
What is the purpose?
It seems that the purpose is for people to come together. Couples, family, friends. And by applying the wave metaphor to this purpose, my life has become just a little bit clearer.
A wave comes and goes. It comes together to form a crest, then sinks back down into the ocean. It is never, and can never, be a constant wave. It must repeat this process, even in the desolate and remote areas of the ocean, it repeats this action, forms a crest, then disappears back into the abyss.
People, like these waves, cannot be together constantly. There is no way for humans to physically be together at all times. Thus the purpose begins. We must come together, but we must also become apart.
To read further into this: To even know what together is, to even experience this feeling, you must also experience apart.
So we are all like a wave. We come together, then fall apart. Until the next crest, when we are together again. Lovers must be apart to know they are in love. Family must be apart to appreciate one another. You must be apart to be missed.
Quickly, furthering the metaphor, I want to attempt to make tangible the abstract notion of gravity. Because like waves, we are all affected by gravity. Honestly, it seems to be the largest driving force in our existence. It seems to be what makes us get up in the morning, what pushes us through the day, what ages us, and eventually takes us to our resting place. It affects certain people in different ways. It affects me specifically in very abstract ways, pulling me towards people, pushing me from others. But overall, gravity is what drives me.
Imagine the power in each wave. And remember that power the next time you are together. Realize the power created when you are together.
This is he, this is she
Trying out blogging from my itouch. As much as I like the iPhone, I like a physical keyboard even more.
I would like to say something facinating, but I'm afraid that my dexterity on this device will not let me.
Remember what I said? I don't know if I can hold up my end of the deal. It's to hard at this point when the world around you piles as much as it can on your shoulders. But this we did not shake on. I'll keep working on it, but with no guarantees.
The only guarantee in life, is a life worth fighting for.
Really, don't like imvolved typing on a touch screen.
I would like to say something facinating, but I'm afraid that my dexterity on this device will not let me.
Remember what I said? I don't know if I can hold up my end of the deal. It's to hard at this point when the world around you piles as much as it can on your shoulders. But this we did not shake on. I'll keep working on it, but with no guarantees.
The only guarantee in life, is a life worth fighting for.
Really, don't like imvolved typing on a touch screen.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I've been sending you signals
But my signals have never been seen
I've been writing you letters
But those letters never leave me
I bought you a couple of presents
But they sit in the corner unwrapped
I just can't bring myself to fruition
I can't close this permanent gap
How can I let you forget me?
If you don't even know me already?
My name doesn't change very often
But it's never been Don and Sherri
Monday, March 9, 2009
can the rhythm connect us?
there is this dream that I have where everyone I walk past hears the same music I do. Everyone I see walks to the same beat. We all feel the same emotions, because we are all connected through the same music. I truly believe that music holds more power than almost anything in effecting your person. This isn't to say that a certain genre will make you smarter.
But then the whole nurture vs nature debate sneaks in (how it manages to find its way into every thought of mine I'll never know) and I start to wonder: is one genre more effective over another? Is there really 'superior' music? Should we all like a certain genre, or have we been conditioned by our environments to like one over the other?
Or, better yet, is it not genres at all but rhythms? That seems to be where I fall when I discuss this with myself. It's not how you apply the music to your surroundings, but it's the underlying foundation of the song, etc, that is the true ruling force in terms of effectiveness. I wish I knew more about music theory. My minimal lessons really didn't teach me much at all.
It just seems like from what I've read, especially on the role of music when paired with psychoactives, musical vibrations can have a very profound effect on your emotions and other mental processes. They can guide thought in ways I would assume is very similar to mind control.
This demands more research on my part.
But then the whole nurture vs nature debate sneaks in (how it manages to find its way into every thought of mine I'll never know) and I start to wonder: is one genre more effective over another? Is there really 'superior' music? Should we all like a certain genre, or have we been conditioned by our environments to like one over the other?
Or, better yet, is it not genres at all but rhythms? That seems to be where I fall when I discuss this with myself. It's not how you apply the music to your surroundings, but it's the underlying foundation of the song, etc, that is the true ruling force in terms of effectiveness. I wish I knew more about music theory. My minimal lessons really didn't teach me much at all.
It just seems like from what I've read, especially on the role of music when paired with psychoactives, musical vibrations can have a very profound effect on your emotions and other mental processes. They can guide thought in ways I would assume is very similar to mind control.
This demands more research on my part.
Friday, March 6, 2009
stuck
I'm stuck somewhere in between Goodbye by P.O.S. and Can't Tell Me Nothing by Kanye West. And sorry Megan if that makes me "dumber."
I don't even know what to say about this last week. How shit seems to hit the fan all at once, then some how is able to loop back around and hit the fan again.
And I did the whole thing on my own. Supported myself through it. I really did, and I'm proud of the state of my mental throughout.
I hate to say this, because honestly, I usually trust everyone unless they give me a reason not to. Turns out this is my down fall. I've learned a lot about myself. I am actually non-confrontational (always thought different), I take most of the responsibility on myself, even when it's not mine to bare, I don't need to sleep, I have good friends, a good love, I don't need to eat, caffeine is my drug of choice, people lie out their teeth, sometimes they just need someone to take the blame, for some reason I'm more than willing to take that blame, I'll stand up for people, they won't always stand up for you.
I hope this doesn't ruin my generally favorable view of humanity.
Its 45 degrees, and I've already seen the most ridiculous sun glass. And shorts, t-shirts... luckily no sandals yet (although, I've been known to do that - barefoot in december too).
Monday, March 2, 2009
an appropriate place
where is it appropriate to address death?
sometimes it seems as though you become surrounded by it.
i just found out that my best friend from the elementary school, best friends for a solid 5 years, lost her grandpa unexpectedly. one of the nicest men in the world, died in his sleep. a peaceful way to go, but he will be greatly missed.
i also just found out that a kid who went to my high school was hit by a drunk driver on hiawatha Thursday morning. his car combusted and he was trapped inside, burned alive. I drove by the scene a few hours later, frustrated with the backup it caused during morning rush hour.
just makes you think.
i love you.
sometimes it seems as though you become surrounded by it.
i just found out that my best friend from the elementary school, best friends for a solid 5 years, lost her grandpa unexpectedly. one of the nicest men in the world, died in his sleep. a peaceful way to go, but he will be greatly missed.
i also just found out that a kid who went to my high school was hit by a drunk driver on hiawatha Thursday morning. his car combusted and he was trapped inside, burned alive. I drove by the scene a few hours later, frustrated with the backup it caused during morning rush hour.
just makes you think.
i love you.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
on a day like today
snow makes everything exciting. so does twitter.
classes after 4:40 were canceled today. so I took a 30 minute bus ride to st paul to retrieve my car, which I had parked there in preparation for my evening class. there was at least three inches already, so you can only imagine the driving conditions. lets just say I only made it halfway up one hill before I had to hit neutral and roll my way back down the hill. it took me over an hour to do what is normally the 25 minute commute, and that was with me staying off the already bumper-to-bumper highways. over an hour and an entire quarter tank of gas. my car was not made for winter driving.
but, i experienced the sheer power of twitter today. I'll share two links:
http://search.twitter.com - this is twitter's search engine. I don't get it's not linked anywhere on the home page, but for some reason it's not.
http://twiterfall.com - this is twitter's search engine on steriods. it's basically a gui for the search function.
but starting here, you can see what force this little blizzard (really, it was little in terms of what the midwest SHOULD be used to) had on the twitter network. #snowmageddon was the #1 search for at least two-three hours today. it ranked on top of many twitter trend lists. and honestly, since what I'd have prefered to do (see: cuddle with love and watch lost) with the moc-white-out, it was the best way to experience the bliz'rd.
i was connected to a huge group of people, sharing pictures, stories, tid-bits, interesting thoughts. @pfutz provided sarcastic comentary. I saw pictures of the bumper-to-bumper i had avoided, heard a story of a car on fire desperately trying to be drentched by it's owner with snow, heard about the class closings the moment it was decided, @city_pages informed me that punch was giving away free pizza to the brave souls who made it out, and when the city declared the snow emergency, I was able to save myself a phone call and move my car and not get towed.
twitter is blowing up yo. fox 9 news (my go-to) reported that this time, the UofM informed their students of class closings with a new technology (new?) called twitter. fbook just failed at aquiring twitter at the cost of $100 mil, and it's being touted as the next YouTube.
oh hay, RT @towmageddon Hey MSP - 8 inches of fluff and counting.
classes after 4:40 were canceled today. so I took a 30 minute bus ride to st paul to retrieve my car, which I had parked there in preparation for my evening class. there was at least three inches already, so you can only imagine the driving conditions. lets just say I only made it halfway up one hill before I had to hit neutral and roll my way back down the hill. it took me over an hour to do what is normally the 25 minute commute, and that was with me staying off the already bumper-to-bumper highways. over an hour and an entire quarter tank of gas. my car was not made for winter driving.
but, i experienced the sheer power of twitter today. I'll share two links:
http://search.twitter.com - this is twitter's search engine. I don't get it's not linked anywhere on the home page, but for some reason it's not.
http://twiterfall.com - this is twitter's search engine on steriods. it's basically a gui for the search function.
but starting here, you can see what force this little blizzard (really, it was little in terms of what the midwest SHOULD be used to) had on the twitter network. #snowmageddon was the #1 search for at least two-three hours today. it ranked on top of many twitter trend lists. and honestly, since what I'd have prefered to do (see: cuddle with love and watch lost) with the moc-white-out, it was the best way to experience the bliz'rd.
i was connected to a huge group of people, sharing pictures, stories, tid-bits, interesting thoughts. @pfutz provided sarcastic comentary. I saw pictures of the bumper-to-bumper i had avoided, heard a story of a car on fire desperately trying to be drentched by it's owner with snow, heard about the class closings the moment it was decided, @city_pages informed me that punch was giving away free pizza to the brave souls who made it out, and when the city declared the snow emergency, I was able to save myself a phone call and move my car and not get towed.
twitter is blowing up yo. fox 9 news (my go-to) reported that this time, the UofM informed their students of class closings with a new technology (new?) called twitter. fbook just failed at aquiring twitter at the cost of $100 mil, and it's being touted as the next YouTube.
oh hay, RT @towmageddon Hey MSP - 8 inches of fluff and counting.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
overheard on a sunday
Sundays in Dinkytown always provide interesting overheard conversations. Of course, it's hard to overhear anything with skull candy ear-buds in (which are by far the best ear-buds I have ever owned). But even the brief moments where my ears are free from booka shade pandora radio, I am enamored by the nonsense I hear.
Today, I'm at Espresso Royale, and have been since 9 am. It was pretty much empty when I got here, but now there are only a few free tables and no free chairs. The mass seems to be made up of groups of students (girls mainly) who are meeting up to do their homework. Their laptops are on the table, but either closed or opened to facebook. And the conversation topics are anything BUT scholarly. It seems that these rendezvous are mainly to discuss the happenings of the weekend. Who did what? He did not say that. I can't believe how drunk she was. Do you remember what we did last night?
Or, as I stand outside hoping my laptop isn't stolen while I have my back turned, I watch two "thugs" emerge from the 'towner. One is following the other. They get halfway down the block when the leader starts yelling, turns around and slugs the other. It's very anticlimactic, the one who got hit just runs away, but still provides a certain degree of entertainment and fascination.
Today, I'm at Espresso Royale, and have been since 9 am. It was pretty much empty when I got here, but now there are only a few free tables and no free chairs. The mass seems to be made up of groups of students (girls mainly) who are meeting up to do their homework. Their laptops are on the table, but either closed or opened to facebook. And the conversation topics are anything BUT scholarly. It seems that these rendezvous are mainly to discuss the happenings of the weekend. Who did what? He did not say that. I can't believe how drunk she was. Do you remember what we did last night?
Or, as I stand outside hoping my laptop isn't stolen while I have my back turned, I watch two "thugs" emerge from the 'towner. One is following the other. They get halfway down the block when the leader starts yelling, turns around and slugs the other. It's very anticlimactic, the one who got hit just runs away, but still provides a certain degree of entertainment and fascination.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
i kno
i'm a sentinel. i stand alone, watching, finding idioms, vibrations, small changes in the weather. obviously. obviously i notice, the attempt to smile, obviously i notice the darting eyes, no contact. obviously, really.
i stand guard, guarding who knows what. the heat, the sounds, the energy inside. the door stands closed, waiting.
unofficial and arbitrary, i allow few to pass, send most away. this is not for them.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
it's not really about death
It's that hope. It's such a double edge sword. It brings so much to look forward to but also doubt and fear. Hope is not absolute, and doesn't promise anything. Hope gives you something to shoot for, something to wait for, something to work towards, but there's no guarantees. There's nothing for-certain in hope. It takes a lot of faith.
Friday, February 6, 2009
25 things
Really though. The 25 things lists? Really? Be forewarned, the following is ranterly.
Why!? Why? Didn't everyone get the 25 things list out of their system in middle school? But the best thing about them, the best thing, is how everyone sounds so freaking reluctant to do it. "Fine, I'll do it" "yeah, I'm that tool who is making a 25 things list" "I don't get why everyone is doing these, but..." Really folks? Really? If you think they're a waste of time, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME!
Sorry.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
we just had another one, baby
Definitions of hope on the Web:
Yet in this state of hopefulness, there is something missing. There is the longing for change that dissipates, that you grew comfortable with. That woke you up in the morning and cuddled you to sleep at night. That you fought through all day, that became your best friend and your worse enemy.
There is no more fear. Both sides are calm.
You wake one morning with what feels like a fading memory. Is it a hang over? Was it ever there? You awake to find the sun, which you haven't seen in weeks, pouring through the basement windows. You feel warmth that has not been felt for months. A slight tremble, followed by a larger vibration, and all that is frozen is rattled loose. All that has held the world in place is shaken. The freedom is empowering, but it leaves much to be desired. It would leave a hole in the heart if the heart was there. Don't ever let the freedom fool you. You are never free. You are never free. You revile in this realization. You smile to know that you are connected. The flames have subsided, the cold is dissipating, and the love is stronger than every. The love is desired. The love becomes freedom, and takes over the supports of the frozen world. Standing guard, the love will never leave you. The love with protect you.
And then the smoke leaves the lungs, and clears the air, the beauty of the world is finally again visible. No longer in hiding, no longer a distant memory. Deep in the smile you can see she is ready. Deep in her hair you can smell she is waiting. Deep in her brown eyes, you can see she is love. You've felt so far away, but the gravity has finally pulled you back in. No longer floating, with two feet on the ground, you approach everyday knowing. Not knowing what, but knowing. The earthquake is no more.
Don't you miss the excitement? Sometimes her eyes don't tell you enough. Sometimes it's not clear. Sometimes her beauty distracts her. Sometimes, just sometimes, the pain creeps back. But there is no fear, embracing what is to come, hand in hand with love. Hand in hand, allowing gravity to pull you closer, allowing gravity to keep you grounded, alive in this world.
Hand in hand you keep walking.
Hand in hand you follow the sun into the moon and into the stars.
Hand in hand you build on those fading memories, stacking one on one until the bridge has been built. One by one until you are connected again, with nothing between you.
Hand in hand, hand in hand, hand in hand.
- a specific instance of feeling hopeful; "it revived their hope of winning the pennant"
- the general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled; "in spite of his troubles he never gave up hope"
- promise: grounds for feeling hopeful about the future; "there is little or no promise that he will recover"
- expect and wish; "I trust you will behave better from now on"; "I hope she understands that she cannot expect a raise"
- someone (or something) on which expectations are centered; "he was their best hope for a victory"
- be optimistic; be full of hope; have hopes; "I am still hoping that all will turn out well"
Yet in this state of hopefulness, there is something missing. There is the longing for change that dissipates, that you grew comfortable with. That woke you up in the morning and cuddled you to sleep at night. That you fought through all day, that became your best friend and your worse enemy.
There is no more fear. Both sides are calm.
You wake one morning with what feels like a fading memory. Is it a hang over? Was it ever there? You awake to find the sun, which you haven't seen in weeks, pouring through the basement windows. You feel warmth that has not been felt for months. A slight tremble, followed by a larger vibration, and all that is frozen is rattled loose. All that has held the world in place is shaken. The freedom is empowering, but it leaves much to be desired. It would leave a hole in the heart if the heart was there. Don't ever let the freedom fool you. You are never free. You are never free. You revile in this realization. You smile to know that you are connected. The flames have subsided, the cold is dissipating, and the love is stronger than every. The love is desired. The love becomes freedom, and takes over the supports of the frozen world. Standing guard, the love will never leave you. The love with protect you.
And then the smoke leaves the lungs, and clears the air, the beauty of the world is finally again visible. No longer in hiding, no longer a distant memory. Deep in the smile you can see she is ready. Deep in her hair you can smell she is waiting. Deep in her brown eyes, you can see she is love. You've felt so far away, but the gravity has finally pulled you back in. No longer floating, with two feet on the ground, you approach everyday knowing. Not knowing what, but knowing. The earthquake is no more.
Don't you miss the excitement? Sometimes her eyes don't tell you enough. Sometimes it's not clear. Sometimes her beauty distracts her. Sometimes, just sometimes, the pain creeps back. But there is no fear, embracing what is to come, hand in hand with love. Hand in hand, allowing gravity to pull you closer, allowing gravity to keep you grounded, alive in this world.
Hand in hand you keep walking.
Hand in hand you follow the sun into the moon and into the stars.
Hand in hand you build on those fading memories, stacking one on one until the bridge has been built. One by one until you are connected again, with nothing between you.
Hand in hand, hand in hand, hand in hand.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
A far cry from real
Well, considering my 4 "followers" are all in different countries, this blog is pointless. Here's what I experienced today (get excited team):
- Scrapping frost from my windshield at 7:30 am in the -2 degrees, fahrenheit mind you, wind. Then sitting in the frozen car for 5 minutes waiting for the needle to at rise at least a little above the really big "C"
- Sliding through a red light because I was going a little too fast, the sun was blinding me off of my dirty windshield, and the road was covered in ice - not snow, ICE.
- Walking from my free street parking spot through the cold to my class on the oh-so-fantastic and exciting St. Paul campus
- Sitting through a 2 hour class, riding a campus connector with more kids than should fit on the bus, sitting through another class, playing brick breaker on my cell phone, waiting for three connectors to go by before I found one that wasn't too full for me to ride on, still in the cold
- Sitting at my desk because my boss told me he had nothing for me to do and was late for a meeting
What can I say?
I've settled out of the widespread depression over my situation into a contentment with loneliness. I've also started listening to music again, which is always a great indicator that some kind of complacency is mounting.
Massive Attack and Coldcut.
It just dawned on me that both those names are rather fitting to this post. Stop reading this and go do something interesting. I'll be stationed on facebook if you need me. I'm keeping watch over it while everyone is gone.
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